The Grand Bleach Awards
by Purple Smiles and Love
Summary: Welcome, welcome to 'The Grand Bleach Awards! Read and vote! Laugh! Do everything else that you would at and awards ceremony! And, of course, clap! Rated T because I like to swear!
1. First Question

_A hall. A stage. A microphone stand._

_The murmuring of the crowd. The crackle of a microphone. Quiet music playing in the background._

**Voice:** Is this thing working? One two, one two-

_Eeeeeeeeeeeee!_

_People flinch at the feedback._

**Voice:** Okay, I guess it is!

_The camera zooms in on a girl wearing a loose t-shirt and jeans is on stage, holding a microphone and smiling widely._

**Girl:** Hellooooooo people~! Welcome, welcome, to 'The Grand Bleach Awards'!"

_Silence. Then a person starts clapping awkwardly, and others join in half-heartedly._

**Girl:** Thank you, thank you! Now for introductions! I'm Purple Smiles and Love - just call me... Nicky! Yeah, I like that - and I'll be hosting this awesome event, 'The Grand Bleach Awards'!

_More unenthusiastic clapping. _

**Kon:** Hey hey hey!

_The camera zooms on in a lion plushie._

**Kon: **Aren't I supposed to be the host?

_The camera switches back to Nicky._

**Nicky:** Too bad! I created this show, and besides, I got here first! _*sticks tongue out*_ Ha! Take that!

_Kon sulks in the emo corner (where did that come from?) and flips Nicky off . Nicky ignores him._

**Nicky:** Now as you might have guessed from the title of the show, we are going to present awards to various characters from Bleach! Wave to the cast in the wings!

_Sweeping away from Nicky, the camera zooms in a bored looking person raising their hand and dropping it in a listless wave._

**Nicky: **Okay, before I tell you the award of the week, I need you, my awesome audience, to answer one question first, 'k?

Coolio, here it is: Should I update every week or every two weeks?  
Updating every week will mean that you'll know the results earlier, but every two weeks gives you more time to vote and me more time to write.

So tell me what you think in your reviews, along with your vote!

Now for the award! Who do you like best in Bleach? Yeah, I know that's been asked plenty of times before, and there was even a contest or two in the manga, but we English readers didn't get to vote and I really wanna make it official!

**Ganju:** Oi! That ain't fair!

_An image of the wings are shown. Ganju is waving his fist at Nicky._

**Tatsuki:** He's right, you know. _Everyone_ knows that Ichigo and Rukia will get the most votes. They're the fucking leads!

**Nicky: **Hmm... you're right. Readers, please try to refrain from voting for Ichi-kun and Ruki-chan, okay?

**Ichi-kun:** Ichi-kun?

**Ruki-chan:** Ruki-chan?

**Ichi-kun & Ruki-chan:** Wait, why are our names on this fic like this?

_Hear that? It's the sound of the non-existent fourth wall breaking up into itty bitty pieces._

**Nicky:** What, you don't like it? _*starts tearing up* _O-okay, I'll change i-it back if you don't l-like it?

_Everyone glares at Ichi-ku - I mean Ichigo, even Rukia._

**Ichigo:** Okay, fine, fine! Keep it as Ichi-kun!

**Nicky:** _*sniffs* _You really mean it?

**Ichigo:** Yes, yes, I do! Just don't cry!

**Nicky: **_*perks up unbelievably quickly* _Yay! Thank you, Ichi-kun!

**Ichi-kun: **_*murmurs* _That was fast...

**Nicky: **Now, as I was saying, we all love Ichi-kun and Ruki-chan, but for variety purposes, please try and refrain from voting for them, 'k?

_Audience and **you** nod._

**Nicky: **One more thing. Other award fics just have one winner, but this show will have a winner and a runner-up! The winners and runner-ups will have a short speech regarding the that takes us to the end of this episode/chapter. See you next week or the week after that, and remember to smile, love, and love Hana-chan~!

_Everyone sweatdrops/stares. o.O Adorable little Hana-chan blushes._

**Ganju: **See, Yamada? At least you have a fangirl. I don't have any.

**Hanataro: **P-please refrain from saying s-such things, Shiba-san! I-I'm sure you d-do have fangirls!

_The door to the hall bursts open._

**Ganju's fangirls: **He's right, Ganju-sama! WE LOVE YOU!

**Nicky: **Wait- how'd you fangirls get in here?! SECURITY!

_Big people with sunglasses and black suits drag the shrieking fangirls outside._

******Ganju's fangirls:** WE LOVE YOU GANJU-SAMA!

**Nicky:** Ow. Ow ow ow. My poor delicate ears. You have intense fangirls, Ganju. _Anyways, _as I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted *glares at Ganju* *smiles at audience* I'll see you next episode/chapter!


	2. The Second Installment

_The camera pans over the room and the audience, before finally settling on the stage. Don Kanonji jumps out from the wings._

**Don:** Welcome to 'The Grand Bleach Awards'! This is your awesome host, Don Kanonji, speaking! BOHAHAHAH-!

**Nicky:** OI! _*punches Don*_ WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?!

**Don:** I'm hosting this show of course! BOHAHAHAH-!

**Nicky:** OH NO YOU ARE NOT! _*kicks him off stage*_ Geez, you take your eyes off for _one_ moment...

_Don joins Kon in the emo corner._

**Nicky:** *glances at Kon* You still there? I should really rename it the host wannabe corner, but that'd just be too long. Okay, back to business. Welcome, welcome, gals and guys, to the second instalment of 'The Grand Bleach Awards'! Last week, you voted for the most popular character. I, for one, am happy with the results.

I would like to thank the following people for voting!

**CelestialxXxAngel**  
**Hylla**  
**Guest (guest, duh)**  
**Snowyncess**  
**Squalo King**  
**JulCan1987**  
**Otakulinkara9**  
**rAiNbOw UnIcOrNs (guest)**

Now for the results! First place goes to...

_Silence._

**Nicky:** First place goes to...

_Still silence._

**Nicky:** First place goes to...

_Still no sound except the audience murmuring, wondering what's going on._

**Nicky:** OH FOR THE LOVE OF NIGHTCORE! Tech-dude, what happened to the drum roll?!

_A "Sorry" is heard in the background. A drum roll is heard._

**Nicky:** Finally! First place goes to...

_Cymbals clash._

**Nicky:** Hanatarou Yamada! Congratulations! Come onto the stage to get your trophy and make your speech!

_Hanatarou, shoved by Ganju, staggers onto the stage, eyes wide, then promptly faints._

**Nicky:** _*shakes head*_ How did I not see that coming. Maybe this will wake him. Tech-dude! Play 'Fangirl Screams: Track 4.7'!

_There is silence for a moment._

**Loudspeaker:** HANATAROU-SAMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

_Hanatarou spasms, shoots up, and then faints again._

**Nicky:** _*sighs* _Looks like there's no hope for him. Medics! _*squad four drags their 7th seat away*_ Looks like there won't be a speech today. Now for the runner up. The runner-up is...

_There is a drum roll, then a cymbal clash._

**Nicky:** Chibi-chan!

_Crickets chirp._

**Nicky:** Okay, fine! Toshiro Hitsugaya!

**Matsumoto:** _*squeals*_ Taichou, you got runner up! *hugs Toshiro to chest*

**Toshiro:** Matsumoto! Let go of me! I'm suffocating!

**Nicky:** _*sweatdrops*_ O-okay... Anyway, now last week is done, now it's time for this weeks subject! The... _*reads off card*_ Most popular Zanpakto! Choose whichever you want! And please, along with your vote, send suggestions for the next topic! I have a lot more to choose from, but I want to know what you peeps want. So yeah. Goodbyyyyyyyyeeeeeeeee, Fanfiction!


	3. OH HELL NO! ANYTHING BUT A TIEBREAKER!

_The camera concentrates on the audience filing into their seats, this time in anticipation instead of reluctance. Nicky comes out, smiling widely like always, showing off her braces._

**Nicky:** Hi, minna-san! Welcome, welcome, to the third episode of 'The Grand Bleach Awards'! I am your host, Nicky, and for once there isn't someone trying to steal my microphone!

_Nicky pauses, and scans the room. The audience shuffle in their seats, wondering what she's doing._

**Nicky:** _*cheers*_ Yay! I didn't jinx it! I've been jinxing myself a lot lately. Like on Friday, a friend lamented on Viber that she had to go to some dinner party at some family friend's place and be polite and shit, when she'd much rather be at home playing video games. I was like, 'Yowch. Better u than me, tho. At least u can sit still.' Next minute, "Ah, daughter, we have to go to a Chinese New Year Celebration party at some fancy place or other." Or somewhere along those lines. I was reduced to folding paper aeroplanes and flying them out into foyer outside the ballroom. I was that bored. I solemnly swear I am not exaggerating anything.

Okay, enough of my rambling and onto the results! We have…

_Nicky consults her palm cards. The audience leans forward in anticipation. The drum roll sounds._

**Nicky:** Okay, I lied. I would first like to thank the following fanfictioners for voting! My gratitude goes to:

**Mexican ninja1996  
Hylla  
JulCan1987  
JustFabulous  
Otakulinkara9  
Raechyl (guest)  
THE guest (uh, guest?)  
hirako shinji (guest)  
Me (guest)  
Weeping Blood  
rAiNbOw UnIcOrNs (guest)**

And finally the results! We have…

_Cue drum roll._

**Nicky: **An ad _(which is there for no other reason than to fill up my word quota)_ to show you all! _*dodges a few rotten tomatoes and onions and things rotten to the point you can't determine what they are*_ Eek! I'm sorry, but I swear upon the River Styx that the results will come right after! But right now we have an ad from one of our sponsors, 'Urahara's Shop'! _*gestures to a screen behind her that wasn't there a second ago*_

_Some dude walks up on screen._

**Urahara:** Welcome to Urahara's shop! Here we have a wide range of anything a shinigami might need in the living world! Gigais, soul candy… _(yadda yadda ya because the lazy authoress of this fic can't be bothered to type anymore, so we'll just end it here, shall we?)_

**Urahara:** Oi! That's not fai-

**Urahara Fangirls:** URAHARA-SAAAAAMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

_Urahara is swamped by fangirls._

**Nicky:** W-what the fuck? Wasn't it supposed to be recorded? Why is he suddenly outside the screen? _*mind explodes* *puts brain back together*_ Eh, whatever. This is a fanfiction, and an anime fanfiction no less. It's not supposed to make sense.

_Big buff guys in black suits and sunglasses suddenly appear and drag the dog-pile outside, Urahara included._

**Nicky:** Having a team of big strong henchmen is awesome. BWAHAHAHAHAHAH-_*chokes on own spit*_ Um, ignore what just happened. Now for the actual results! We have…

_Here comes the drum roll._

Nicky: A tie!

_And… there's the cymbal crash. And the sounds of surprise coming from the audience._

**Nicky: **The tie is between Sebonzakura and Katen Kyōkotsu! With three votes to each spirit! Let's hear what they have to say!

_Two platforms rise on either side of her, with the before-mentioned candidates._

**Sebonzakura: **_*ignores Nicky*_

**Katen Kyōkotsu: **_*the pirate one smiles serenely and the ninja one stays silent*_

**Nicky: **Or not. Fine then, be that way! Yes, my precious readers, this is a tie-breaker chapter. Sorry if you don't like these kinds of chapters. I don't either, but it must be done for the sake of humanity! _*does a Tamaki flourish*_

_Crickets chirp._

**Nicky:** Where the hell did that come from? Eh, who cares. The point is you must vote for either of these characters this week. Then next week, we'll see the winner. Don't worry, if they get the same number of votes _(which is highly unlikely)_ I'll decide whichever.

So… **GOODNIGHT FAAAAAAANFICTIIIOOOOOOOONNN!**


	4. The short, SHORT chapter

_Nightcored music is playing in the background. The audience are already in their seats. Nicky walks onto the stage, with a wet cloth over one eye and microphone in the other._

**Nicky:** Let's start off as normal. Welcome, welcome, to the fourth instalment of 'The Grand Bleach Awards'! Unfortunately, today we're gonna have to keep it short. As you can see, there is something wrong with my eye, it got infected, I have no idea how, and it takes waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too long to type with one hand. And I can't wear my night lenses tonight too, so tomorrow I'm gonna have blurry vision too, I really need to find my glasses. Oh shit, I was rambling again, wasn't I?

Okay, back to business, I'd like to thank these people for voting:

**Guest (Um, yeah, guest)**  
**JustFabulous**  
**Weeping Blood**  
**ViperChar (Could you please vote in the appropriate chapter next time? I almost missed your vote when I was counting them, and if it wasn't for your hilarious suggestion, I would have completely missed it. #toolazytopmyouagain)**  
**Katen Kykotsu (OMFG Can I get your autograph, guest?)**  
**Mr Cifer (I agree with you, guest. DIE, TIE, DIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEE! And aw, thanks~)**

Now for the results!

_Drum roll ensues._

Nicky: Our winner is…

_Cymbal crash makes its arrival._

Nicky: Katen Kyōkotsu! Too bad we have to skip the speech. Now for this week's topic! ViperChar, I said I'd use your suggestion, but then I realized we've gotta keep this T, so yeah.

Now, who… _*reads off palm cards*_ is the most insignificant character in the series! Like, as in, a character that's only been seen once or twice, but don't worry, you don't have to know their name. Just say where they were seen and shit.

Now, it's the end! **GOODNIIIIIIIGHT, FAAANFIIICTIIIIIIIOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNNN!**


End file.
